21 Jan
Do you need to be flirtatious on tinder, bumble, hinge, etc?
We’ve read a couple articles recently about messaging on dating apps, and a core principle of them is to recommend to be overtly “flirty” in your texting. How you should always banter back and forth in your messaging. One reason an article provided, is so you find out if the girl is into you or not, and it can build attraction. In our experience, if a girl is messaging you on a dating app, obviously she swiped you, looked at your photos, and decided to reply to your messages. She is already interested. You don’t necessarily need banter to confirm interest or build attraction. Sometimes it can hurt.
It’s true, banter and teasing is a good way to build tension, attraction, and chemistry in person. But nowadays on dating apps it has gotten a bit old in our experience. Girls are used to guys trying to banter on apps. Tt can sometimes come across try-hard, exhausting and cliché. If you are bantering too much, we’d recommend escalating the conversation logistically and find out if she is truly interested in you when it comes to date, or if the timing is even right for her to date.
One underappreciated fact of dating apps
Many women (or men as well), swipe and message on dating apps with very little intention of actually dating. Or want to put the least amount of effort possible. They get bored, open the app, send a few messages, and forget about it going back to their normal life. For some, unless someone is willing to date them in their neighborhood, and are a 10/10 to them, they won’t go on the date at that point in their life. They are just too busy, or not in the right frame of mind. Maybe a couple months later they go on a bunch of dates in a row. You need to be catching people at the right times, and find the ones that are actually into you based on your pictures and profile.
So, those people we’re talking about, that aren’t serious about dating: do you really want to be bantering, spending mental bandwidth building attraction, for them to either not want to meet, or ghost? If meeting you requires perfect banter, and you jumping through hoops, the person may not have a high interest in meeting anyway. We say go back to the basics here.
The next step
So, back to logistical questions. Asking what part of town she lives in, what she likes on a first date, or if she’s willing to exchange numbers to meet up is preferred (once you had a couple back and forths). Constant bantering is not necessarily a prerequisite for finding someone who’s truly interested in you.
Becoming the “dating app banter guy” is not ideal in our experience. Your goal is to find girls that are into meeting you, and into dating, and not just going back and forth online. You’re setting up a bad frame of having to text all the time. If she feels you are a great online texter, you are setting yourself up to get into long drawn out back and forths about date logistics, video calls, or other encounter other pitfalls that could lead you to landing less in-person dates.
Relation to sales
Some say dating relates to sales in certain circumstances. Being a good “texter” on a dating app is a little like a salesperson that talks too much. The prospect hears more and more, and they decide they don’t want to go on the meeting. Or they feel they can push the salesperson around, and all of a sudden the product is selling for half price. The more the salesman talks, the more the prospect picks them apart and decides they don’t want to meet, or don’t want what they are offering. The salesman talks themself out of a sale.
At SwipeFix, we always say, stick to the basics. Put in the work improving your pictures and profile. Put in the swiping and messaging effort. Proactively offer some times to go on dates, and on dates. Be consistent. Get off the apps and on dates. It’s okay to do a little banter, but too much can be a slippery slope. With this approach, we promise you will find the person that matches with you, and is truly into you. Not someone who was just into your “texting skills”.
By the way, this article is mostly for men, since guys require more finesse and effort when it comes to texting compared to women. There definitely are some tweaks women can make to increase their chances at landing a high-quality man as well. Doing high volume dating app management for over a decade, we have strategies for both sides, men and women. If you have questions, shoot us an email, or let us know. Keep swiping!